I have eight bosses since I work for no one in particular, but everyone. Of course of those eight, only two actually use me. The first guy, I like. We share a common bond of being in the same fraternity, albeit at different schools. When he takes me to lunch, he pays. I do not care that he is going to expense it as a business lunch, in fact, I appreciate it. At least he is looking out. The other guy I will refer to as Joe Bruin. From this comment alone, you can probably deduce what school I currently attend. Joe Bruin can only be described as the quintessential UCLA grad. Are you picturing this person? Good. I guarantee that you are thinking of a balding, thirty to forty something Pillow Biter with zero personality. Then you’d be right. Another amazing characteristic of Joe Bruin is that he has recently become a die-hard Boston sports fan. This fair-weather "vagitarian" was born in Encino. Fuck you.
Joe Bruin is the guy in the office who plays his own music. He does not monitor the volume strictly so he can be sure that everyone in a 30 foot radius hears it. He brags of his extensive iTunes collection. Cool… fag. Then why do you insist on playing Sheryl Crow, the Goo Goo Dolls, and weird jazz that no one has ever heard? I have been toying with the idea of playing some really inappropriate Eminem CD’s that reverberates throughout the entire office. At least one of my co-workers shares my contempt for Joe Bruin’s music, so he drowns it out with Dave Matthews, but he is rarely in the office.
Joe Bruin is the guy who gives you a task of some minor importance, and pretends that a lot is riding on your performance. Maybe he thinks I am bored and this will save me from my boredom. He is wrong. I do what he asks, verbatim to the template he provides. When I present him with the finished product, he goes about making utterly useless formatting changes. “Change this font from 14 to 13, and make Header font 22, not 20.” Why the FUCK do you even give me a template if all you are going to do is edit it? And why do you tell ME to change the font? It’s easier for you to change it yourself. Oh, I get it. This is you asserting your analyst status over me. Blow me.
