The Fedora

This story was written by a friend of mine to his co-workers about something I did. I am leaving the story with his original wording, as I thought it would not be fully believed had I written it myself. Thank you BuckWalter for having a better memory than me.

“Last night I had the pleasure of hearing a friend of mine completely ruin a douche bag. Actually to call this guy a douche bag is an insult to douche bags. He was wearing a really sweet stripped fedora and my friend just couldn’t resist. It was just about time to call it a night, when we decided to leave. I was caught in some traffic so I had a good view of everything that lead up to this. He was making his way to the door when he spotted this guy and made a direct B-line to acknowledge this guy’s amazingly gay hat.

The first thing I heard when I finally caught up was ‘Hey, so how many guys have you fucked in the last month?’ The guy asked ‘what?’ but he knew exactly what my friend had asked. My friend repeats himself a little louder ‘how many guys have you fucked? With that hat, you must be cleaning up.’ The guy still has no response and tries to laugh it off. But my friend persists, ‘I want to know? You must be doing pretty well.’ The guy tries to insist he is not gay but my friend neither believes him nor lets him off the hook. My friend bluntly states ‘that is the gayest hat I have ever seen there is no way you don't fuck guys.’ Then the guy mentions he has a girlfriend, and he fucks her. Likely story.

Telling my friend this was so stupid because you all know where he is going to take that. ‘Does she know your Gay?’ He says no and that she picked the hat out. ‘I think your boyfriend picked it out and you are afraid to tell anyone.’ Then my friend finally decides to cool off and says something along the lines of ‘I am sorry, but I couldn’t resist. I had to make a point to tell you that you are a huge faggot and that is the gayest hat I have ever seen.’ We left.

The best part is about ten minutes later we are sitting outside our house when this same faggot walks by us alone! No girl to be found... So of course my friend has to bring up the hat and the fact that he is alone. He shouts, ‘You are so gay. Where is your girlfriend, you fucking loser?’ The guy says, ‘She is waiting for me at home.’ Yea fucking right. His final words are something to the effect of ‘maybe you should stop making fun of my hat and try to get some chicks.’ My friend’s final words are, ‘Whatever, douche bag.’ That guy needed it. I bet he’ll think twice before wearing that thing out again.”