The Project

This story is referring to a project that I was given last week. I have been slacking in posting this since I attempted to drink my weight in beer this weekend. Although it was a valiant effort, I did not quite make it. The best story of the weekend would have to be when my drunk friend’s girlfriend jokingly offered to take her top off and my other drunk friend immediately screamed, “YESSSS!” Awkward as balls for the involved parties, but I could not stop laughing. Still haven’t.

Last Monday, I was given the task of finding ALL of the comparable transactions that have happened within a particular industry so that it would be possible to value a certain company. Two days & 70 PowerPoint slides later, I produced what I believed was a very respectable transaction Comps section. Once again, Joe Bruin comes out of left field with some ridiculous formatting modifications from the original template. Instead of falling into his trap of spending 3+hours changing all of this useless crap on every slide, I corrected the first couple of slides to his retarded specifications and then waste 2+ hours surfing the internet / creeping on facebook. Then I brought the first couple of slides to him so that he can, once again, make corrections to his own corrections. Over the course of Wednesday afternoon on into Wednesday night, he revised my slides a grand total of eight times. EIGHT times. Is it that hard to decide what you want? How inconsiderate is that? Seriously, Fuck you!

I finally get out of the office at 10:30pm! The kicker here is that since everyone is still so unprepared that they asked me to come in at 7am in order to make sure that everything is ready to go by 1:30. I just nodded along like the pussy that I am, thinking the entire time about how they are taking away the only thing left holy and sacred to me in the world: Half-price night at the 901 Club. As I drove out of the parking lot at 10:30, I got a phone call from the office telling me to wear a suit the next day because they are bringing me along to the pitch. This actually brought a smile to my face. I began to think that my hard work was actually beginning to pay off and was actually getting noticed.

I arrived at the office at 7am, ready to proofread this 150+ page pitch book. It was a pretty stressful day as three different managers were adding their own little tidbits of information to the pitch book, all of course needing proper formatting. The final product was printed around noon. I ran across the street to Subway since I hadn’t eaten anything all day. When I got back, my boss informed me that now I wasn’t going to be able to go along with them, because they didn’t want to out-number the clients. You're joking? Not only have you been working me like a fucking red-headed stepchild, but now you made me wear a suit for no reason. I immediately thought, “Fuck this, I’m out.” And I was. I could taste the liquor, and as a result, my 4^th of July weekend started five minutes later.